I think it might be safe to say I love my job…but I might wait a week before I make that statement official.  The girls and I have clicked really well all things considering. I mean, take 2 guys, and 7 girls, and expect them all to get along without any problems on the 3rd time of ever meeting, and yea, I’d say you have a really good working crew.

The bosses put me on espresso duty.  Can you say love???!!!! Ahhh, I can’t believe how much I’ve missed using one of those machines.  That was my favorite part of working at the bookstore way back in the day.  It was so easy to switch back into the mode of mixing drinks.  And oh my goodness the smells–that wonderfully, rich, aroma–I was in heaven.  At one point, I made 2 hazelnut cafe lattes and maybe its just the type of bean, but that was one of the best scents–it made me want to make myself one, and I’m not a huge fan of coffee unless it is iced and has chocolate added in. ha!  Now I just need to work on the latte art…I still have yet to master that…but I plan to.  I have to admit, though, I was a tad disheartened that none of my friends came out to see me for our mini-grand opening.   I know, I know, they had plans, yada yada yada…..I guess I just expected a few at the very least to come out for it.  But, my parents drove up. =]  So that was pretty exciting.  In fact, I was so busy making drinks, I didn’t see them in the line till they were ordering their sandwiches, and I went to “bus” their table later just so I could talk with them for a few minutes and get their reaction on the place.  They both loved it, so I was pretty happy about that.

Overall, work is going to be a good experience.  The only pain in the butt will be all the driving I will be doing.  For instance, come Monday morning, I will have to be on the road at 5:50am in order to get to work by 7am.  Then I will work 10 hours straight (minus our break), get off by 5, and depending on how energetic I am at that point will determine if I hang out with people or just head straight home.  But I’m not complaining.  I have a job.  After like 5 months of searching for one, probably 10-20 interviews at various places, and too many emails to want to count, I have a job that I actually like.  I’d definitley go as far as to say this is a God thing. =D

Speaking of God things, and whatnot, I’m not doing too well on my communication level with Him.  Besides the random, ‘thanks God!’ I acknowledge through the day or stuff of that nature.  I dunno.  Even when I did the bible study with the guys this week, via skype nonetheless, I really didn’t feel like I had anything to offer.  I’m not of a theological mind, nor am I good at analyzing things when it comes to literature.  I’m not really sure how I passed english classes when it came to our analyzation essays on various topics and books–I despise them!  Writing–love; analyzing–hate.  Its just not me.  I guess I feel that these guys know more theology then I do, along with knowing more about the history (another thing I’m not too fond of) and the setting and time period itself, that they just had way more to offer.  And no offense to the bro, but I hate praying out loud in group settings.  If you think I clam up in group discussions about things (because I normally don’t even talk in our mini-groups in class), its even worse when I have to pray out loud in front of people.  My explanation of this is horrible, I know, but its not my gifting.  And usually I’m okay with that…until someone asks me to pray and then it becomes a pride issue on should I or shouldn’t I.  Which completely and utterly destroys the whole point of praying, because its not a thing you do based on pride.  God doesn’t base his love on us praying to Him.  He doesn’t sit there and go, “well, since you didn’t pray out loud in bible study, you don’t rank as high on my list of favorites as you used to.”  That’s complete stupidity.  And I shouldn’t feel like I have to put up a front with my friends and pray aloud just because they asked.  Even still, I felt like a complete moron for not praying when bro asked me too….and I’ll admit, it stung a bit to myself that I even passed it off.  But if I’m not comfortable doing it, and if my heart isn’t in the right place, and if I only did it to put up a good front/mask for my friends, then I really don’t think it would have helped anybody out, and I would have been too worried about what other people were thinking about what I was saying, then concentrating and meaning what I would have been saying to God.  Did that rambling make any sense whatsoever??

Here, I’ll even bring into play a verse from the book we are reading this week:

For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.  It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness…–Titus 1: 11-12a

Wouldn’t my pridefulness/mask/I’m doing this for me prayer have been something of ungodliness?  Because I’m pretty sure that it wouldn’t have been so much for God and to God as it would have been for myself. *sigh*  I’m really glad there are such things as blogs.  It’s so much easier to type this all out than to write it out, causing my thoughts to actually reach the page much more quickly, therefore I’m not losing at much of my thought process. lol

Ok….enough with my ramblings that probably make no sense to anyone but myself.  I need sleep so I can wake up early, study my butt off all day long for my exam, and then hit the sack early and actually sleep until I wake up sometime in the wee hours of 4 am.

I'm Chi Alpha's new president.

Stunned? I was.

Hargett called me into the office today and told me that I was taking over for Bobby. No elections, no running, no voting. Perfect way to win a presidency if you ask me. :) Still though, I feel like I've somehow cheated my way into it. Sure there was no one technically in the running, especially since I didn't even know that a change of leadership was happening, nor did anyone else. But I still feel as though I don't deserve it; I know I don't deserve it. I mean, I finally stepped up in leadership this year, but all I really do is organize and arrange things. I'm a "2nd leader" for the Truth Project Lifegroup and I don't do anything there. I don't do one-on-ones with people because I clearly don't feel like God has given me a pastoral/shepherd mindset that would be needed (which doesn't quite make sense with the direction I feel that He's calling me....so somehow that quality is going to need to show up somehow I'm thinking...unless I'm just totally mis-reading what He's been showing me). Aspects such as: I'm a "complainer"; I'm "judgmental"; I'm "too loud"; and that I'm "annoying" are basically some, but not all, daily phrases I hear when hanging out with the guys. I just don't see why he didn't pick someone with better qualities; better spiritual qualities even. I know I'm growing closer to God, especially ever since I finally accepted his calling on my life, but when I get around the guys and they start having spiritual debates, or discussions on the Word-I feel like such a failure. I dwell in the Word daily, and yet if you were to ask me what I had read the day before, I probably wouldn't be able to tell you just because I don't retain what I read that well (which is odd because I love reading so much). Obviously there has to be characteristics in me that Hargett sees in order to entrust me like this, but I guess because I know my flaws I just can't see it. And there's not much that this "presidency" even entails; just some emails from the college that I'll need to keep up with to make sure deadlines are met on whatever they need; but still. I almost can't help thinking that he gave me it because I am good at organizing and detailing events and whatnot, which is fine because I know its one of my spiritual gifts that God has given me.

I was so excited about this earlier this afternoon, but now I question it. It was one thing to accept the fact that God was calling me into a leadership role to begin with...but now to be "in charge" of a group...that's a whole different idea. Then again...perhaps He's preparing me for something with Chi Alpha down the line. Maybe its not so much the missionary aspect, like the Hargetts or Moodys, but more of the administration of Chi Alpha as a whole, like Dennis Gaylor...or something like that. Even if it is more of what Gaylor does, its still missionary work, which would definitely fill the calling that I feel, but it would also play into what giftings God's placed in me. And now that I've thought this out in a way I can physically see it, instead of just jumbled up in my head, I'm getting excited once again. I'm excited to see what growth and opportunities He's going to use this "presidency" for. I'm excited to see just how He's going to play this all out. I'm excited to see just how much He is going to stretch/push/pull/prod me and grow me-spirtually, mentally, and physically throughout this all. I'm excited about not only the ups but the downfalls, the lows, that I'm going to go through. Because I know that He's got it under control and its in His hands.

So yea, I'm the new Chi Alpha president.